Came across this article on the Internet and thought I would share it with everyone.
Gore Reveals That He Is The Messiah
Al Gore announced today that he is the true messiah, sent to earth to save humanity from a fiery destruction due to global warming. “It’s something that I have been struggling with for awhile. Believe you me, ain’t no easy chore knowing that the survival of mankind lies right here,” Gore said and pointed to his very prominent cranium.
Gore also announced that he will be divorcing his long time wife, Tipper, in order to fulfill the prophecies. “The messiah must be a single man, a lonely hunter, in order to concentrate on the task at hand, which is saving the world from global warming,” he said as he administered communion to the gathered followers. Gore replaced the traditional grape juice and communion wafers with RC and moonpies.
One reporter questioned Gore’s plight for global warming, noting that many scientists still question its existence. Gore responded, “In my Father’s house there is much global warming. If it were not true I would have told you so,” he said as he stretched his hands over the audience and lightning bolts jumped from his fingertips.
The former vice president went on to give details about his birth, The Naivete. “It was a cold Tennessee night in December. My earthly father, Albert Gore Sr. hadn’t been a senator long enough to make money from political favors so we were very poor. I was born in a tobacco barn in Carthage, as there was no room in the Highway 70 Luxury Lounge Inn. During my birth I was surrounded by very exotic animals such as goats, chickens, a Jersey cow and a pitbull we borrowed from one of our old neighbors in the trailer park. This was done so that the prophecies may be fulfilled,” Gore said as he stretched his hands over the audience and shot sausage gravy from his fingertips.
Gore continued, “My mother laid me in a tobacco manger. Soon a bright star appeared over the tobacco barn and beckoned wisemen from the East, which were mining lobbyists from Washington D.C., so that the prophecies may be fulfilled. King Harold was the governor of Tennessee in those ancient times. King Harold was afraid that I might usurp his power so he sent out a decree that every newborn male child with a watermelon-sized head be put in childrens’ protected services. So my parents took me and fled to Washington D.C and very rarely since then have I returned to the biblical land of Tennessee.”
Later in the day Gore testified before Congress in a hearing on Capital Hill in Washington D.C. Gore referred to his testimony as “The Sermon on the Mount.” Nancy Pelosi brought some loaves of bread and some tuna fish which was processed by minimum wage workers and laid them at Gore’s feet. Gore raised his hands over the bread and fish, shot tartar sauce from his fingertips and miraculously turned the food into enough carbon offsets for the 5,000 gatherers.
Gore then ascended into the sky on a gas-guzzling private jet, vowing before his departure, “I leave you now. But in my place I leave the Holy Global Warming Spirit to comfort you until my return.”
